Movie Rights
by Lord Mendasuit
Summary: In which Evangeline is given the script of a typical crossover and she reacts accordingly. Unfortunately for Naruto, he just happens to make a far more attractive girl than he does a man, and Evangeline just happens to be curious about things. Also Konoemon has the worst timing imaginable.


Evangeline laughed and tossed the stack of papers into the air, making them fly away in every direction. "Yeah, no, I'm not doing this." She explained, leaning back into her couch, knowing full well that she would force the idiots to pick up the mess. Because it wouldn't be as satisfying to make her army of gynoid servants do it.

"W-What!? This is a great opportunity for you!" the smaller of the two men in front of her cried indignantly, agitated by such a move.

"Why don't you want to make a movie with me?" The spiky haired blond asked, tilting his head.

"Did you even read the script, brat?" The Maga Nosferatu asked, raising a delicate eyebrow. Seeing his face, she rolled her eyes. "Of course you didn't."

"My script is a masterpiece!" The shorter man yelled, anger evident in his tone and face.

"Your script is just shit, plain and simple. It's one cliche after another, it's smut and not even the good kind, can't even call it a guilty pleasure, really. Also, this kid here? He aint the sexiest thing since sliced bread. I don't see the eight pack your script described." She stopped to raise the boy's jacket to show that while he was nowhere near either skinny or fat, he wasn't Mr. Universe either. "Have a read, brat, see what you signed up for." Evangeline spoke, snatching a paper that had yet to fall to the ground from the air and offering it to the blond man.

A full minute after the boy started reading, his face turned into a frown and he made a ball of the paper he held in his hand. "This reads like one of Ero-sennin's trashy novels!" The boy said, tossing the paper ball away. "I didn't know you were signing me up for something like this! I'm not a pervert!"

"You're not as attractive as that guy over there thinks you are, either." Evangeline said, shrugging. "Besides, why would I want to participate in a porno movie with the brat over there when I've got my own boy toy to use whenever I want to? Trust me, this guy here has nothing on him."

"B-B-But-"

"But nothing. I wouldn't want to do it with her, either. She looks like she's ten for fuck's sake!" The blond man spoke, narrowing his eyes.

Evangeline blinked. Then she smirked and snapped her fingers, changing into her adult form, donning the proper appeal that any seductive vampiress ought to: Strips of black leather covering her naughty bits and an open, high collared coat thrown over it. And you can't forget the nearly arm-length black leather gloves and black high heels. The ensemble was completed with the spikes of villainy on her knuckles, shoulders and knees.

All in all, she looked like a dominatrix who could poke your eye out by giving you a hug.

"Kid you have no idea who you're dealing with here." She informed him, her hips swaying as she walked towards the two men. The shorter one had a bulge straining his pants and if Eva had to guess, he was barely keeping himself from dropping trou and jerking off on the spot. She would normally just freeze that guy and turn him into a human popsicle, but today she felt vindictive.

So she just froze his groin.

He ran out of the cottage screaming for someone to help him with his frozen boner.

The blond one, however, seemed much more restrained in his reaction. "I can do that too!" He informed her, with a challenging smile. His hands came together in some sort of sign that Evangeline didn't recognize, a cloud of smoke exploded and suddenly, there was no longer an annoying guy in bright orange and black, but rather a voluptuous blonde wearing a devil girl costume, which was at odds with the almost innocent image portrayed by her wide blue eyes and the twin pigtails.

Evangeline felt that the ensemble definitely looked better on her old pal Etna, but it didn't look bad on him... her at all. "Well, this just got a lot more interesting." Evangeline admitted, smirking to herself and tilting the other blonde's head up so they'd be looking each other eye to eye. Eva's heels gave her a small advantage in height over the shorter heels the other blonde wore.

Unlike the poor newly transformed girl, Eva actually used heels every once in a while and thus could actually move on them. "Okay, maybe I underestimated you." The blond girl admitted.

"Oh, yes you did, Naruto-chan, yes you did... You've been a bad girl and you must be punished."

"I'm not a girl." Naruto informed her.

"I know. But every real man has a feminine side to them, it's about time you came in touch with yours..." Eva neglected to tell him that it was also what made the whole thing so entertaining in the first place. It was, after all, the first time she'd come across someone who could change genders at will in her centuries of life, and she was wondering whether sex was more enjoyable as a man or a woman.

To file it for future reference.

And maybe she'd also take the secrets of his transformation while at it. The thought of making an illusory form to change gender had never crossed her mind before, and while it seemed a pursuit worthy of her free time, she had more worthy things to do. Like working on beating Chrono Trigger... again.

"I don't know whether I should be incredibly aroused or terrified." Naruto replied, eyes wide and incapable of tearing themselves from Evangeline's own.

"Then why not both?" The vampiress asked, her voice sultry and charged with such raw sexuality that it made Naruto actually take a step back. "It's only right for prey to be scared from their predator..." she whispered, nearing her lips to the poor once-manly boy's ear, before nibbling on it slightly and slowly trailing kisses down his... her... neck, leaving increasingly bigger hickeys on the way.

At that point, the whole surreal atmosphere and the imagery running through Naruto's mind (which Eva was taking their time of close contact to read) was preventing either of them from realizing that the door had been left open when the man whose name Eva hadn't cared to memorize ran off.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!?" It was... ... ... ... ... KONOEMON! Who had a headache.


End file.
